Luke recently went on a trip, leaving me at home alone for 4 nights and 3 days. I love my husband, but I was a little excited about all the time I would have to accomplish the many projects I wanted to tackle. One of these things was to write more. But I should have known better. Two things prevented this fantasy from occurring. First, other things came up throughout the day that seemed more important than writing and once the sun goes down, it seems my brain does too. Secondly, I seemed to have forgotten a little 3 week training I had in June which focused on writing. During the class, I found that it is important to write for yourself. It can be fruitless if you write about a topic you have no interest in. When I opened up my Word document and tried to think of what to write, I thought in terms of "What should I write to fit ____." I wasn't sitting to write for myself but another entity. It just didn't work. I stared at the screen with that little flashing line teasing me. So, I turned on Netflix and selected a show I thought might light something magical within my brain. That didn't work. Frustrated, I shut my computer down and drown my sorrows in the show on my TV.
I know that I am not a fantastic writer, but I do love to write. Ever since I was little, I have written stories (mostly unfinished which is a bit of a problem) and poems simply because it feels freeing. Somewhere along the way my love for writing turned into a dream to be published. This dream has taken over the freeing aspect and now rules my writing. Finally I realized that I cannot write for publication. It's too much pressure to write FOR someone else and give the publishing company what they are looking for. When I read about authors explain how they wrote a certain story, they never say, "Well, I wanted to write and so I picked Little Brown Books and wrote a novel based on what they published." How could I, then, write a story this way? This was not even a thought when I was little and back then I seemed to write little stories every month. It was all because I loved it. I wrote for myself.
When I left my class in June, I made a promise to myself that I would share what I learned with my students. Now after my own experience with the frustration of writing, I have renewed that promise.
So, I will just breath and tell myself (and my students): Keep Calm and Write On
